Monday, 13 April 2020
Sunday, 12 April 2020
The Father’s Love
After watching The Passion of the Christ movie tonight it is hitting me in a profound way.
What was accomplished on the cross was pretty huge- I don’t have the words to express the magnitude of emotion I am feeling. What a powerful in your face reminder!
I do want to highlight something specific that’s resonating with me. There is a moment in the movie that we see Jesus as a man fall as he is trying to carry the cross ( which should have been meant for us... )the movie cuts back in time and shows His mom witnessing him fall as a toddler- oh my heart! The way she stretched out her arms with every fiber of her being- arms flailing even as she wills herself close to pick him up... to love on him... I am still gutted with emotion- then to see her do that for him as a grown man- stripped raw in pain, exposed- that wellspring of love reaching him through a mother’s heart- I can’t even fully name what that is speaking to me except that I saw the sacrifice He made in yet a different light.
My birth mom died last year as I held her in my arms- arms that finally felt a hug from her after a decade of separation. That feeling WOW. Safety, acceptance, warmth, forgiveness, joy, and most of all a space to receive that healing balm of love. What a miracle- I don’t say that lightly.
Jesus gave that up for me. He knew that his loss (of his earthly mother) was necessary to heal me, to free me, to save me... to revive us all from the grip of sin.
As the crown of thorns dug deep and he walked to his death (body broken yet dressed with poise and honour) he taught me again what is most important- LOVE to the FULL in the Arms of our Heavenly Father.
Things and people in life leave us (so many in my life have died) BUT the one thing that remains the same is Gods LOVE. Not only that -He welcomes us home. HOME! Thank you Father for never losing sight of Your plan and purpose for your children. For me. Even when pain or loss or fear colours my experience and I don’t know what’s going to happen next- May I be reminded of that type of love- that flailing, reaching, warm hearted hug type of love. That complete all knowing that Your plan is for my good-LOVE. When I truly get this- earthly struggles simply melt away. Fear falls flat. Striving and controlling is suddenly ridiculous... because all I truly need is the Love of the Father- and trust He knows what’s best. I Love you Father! Thank you for your Son. Somehow thank you just isn’t enough...
Painting by me- April 10th, 2020
Saturday, 1 February 2020
Chasing Gold- Finding Victory
"You will find Gold in your wounds. Nobody else carries the same wounds as you. You can carry that Gold into the world" - Dr. Nino
I have been talking to a Psychologist who has been helping me and has been "holding my story". The act of this sharing and inviting him in has been counteracting the affects of my childhood abandonment and trauma. Internal sparks of life are materialising into hope that can chase away the darkness of my past. By opening up my pain and letting another witness me at a raw visceral level, it unpacks the negative charge my pain once held. Together, we can release and reshape the energy attached to my experiences lessening the power my hurts hold.
Even moments of silence shared together possess poignant power I can cherish within the arsenal of my coping skills. We lend each other our positive energy, strength, and wisdom. It is an act of truly seeing one another in a way that empowers us to keep going and growing in a forward momentum. Words are not always the best response. We can gain more in the act of simply being with someone in the same moment than hearing any words of encouragement they can offer.
Many times this open act of expressing can invite anxiety, fear, shame, and doubt to the surface. I typically shake and sometimes sweat with the magnitude of my emotional "earthquakes". I can even get terrible nightmares or night terrors that leave me feeling shattered into many pieces. Like a delicate glass fragments into many sharp twinkly shards. Broken yet beautiful, LOVE knits me back together and makes me feel safe. It's our hearts in each others hands- we can't let go of each other when things get hard. We all have a shaking one inside of us that feels on the edge of brokenness- we are all looking for love to mend those wounds. Everyone is looking for and is deserving of Gold and we wont find it alone. Together we can nurture the shaking one inside us and equip them with unconditional LOVE.
Like a plant breaking through concrete- we possess the ability to break through the surface of our pain in order to dive deep and let the wounded child of our past up to the light. It takes courage and resilience. It takes an iron will at times to persevere and power through into a new quality of life. This can not be done alone. We need community. We need those friends and family whom we can share anything with. When that is not enough, we need professional support to intervene along side us. Unfortunately not all people carry the same type of tenderness in the act of holding our hearts. We can be disappointed, feel rejected, and become retraumatised. BUT we also get nowhere if we do not take that risk. It is like mining- you have to keep looking until you find what your heart needs to find freedom.
We must also be willing to be there for others to lean on. Community can become a beautiful interchange of healing voices that we can internalise until we are strong enough to lean on our own voices of wisdom. Eventually we can delight in the exposing of vulnerabilities because we know beyond understanding that a breakthrough is close and within reach. We can sense and anticipate the victory! This discovery births a mighty ability to celebrate even when pain is present. Like a well bursting forth within us- in joy we find resiliency.
It is my wish that every single soul can find victory in the act of facing life together- as connected and valuable human beings. May we offer Gold dressed in the flavor of LOVE and deliberately invite the knitting together of wounds. Let us fearlessly pursue victory and be open to face our traumas so that together we can become strong. While laying down our judgments, together we can witness our pains and release its grip so that we can all be nurtured towards wholeness. Let us not be afraid of our approaching breakthrough. We must be brave enough to claim victory for ourselves and with others around us.
I dare you to be brave and become your best self in the company of LOVE.
I have been talking to a Psychologist who has been helping me and has been "holding my story". The act of this sharing and inviting him in has been counteracting the affects of my childhood abandonment and trauma. Internal sparks of life are materialising into hope that can chase away the darkness of my past. By opening up my pain and letting another witness me at a raw visceral level, it unpacks the negative charge my pain once held. Together, we can release and reshape the energy attached to my experiences lessening the power my hurts hold.
Even moments of silence shared together possess poignant power I can cherish within the arsenal of my coping skills. We lend each other our positive energy, strength, and wisdom. It is an act of truly seeing one another in a way that empowers us to keep going and growing in a forward momentum. Words are not always the best response. We can gain more in the act of simply being with someone in the same moment than hearing any words of encouragement they can offer.
Many times this open act of expressing can invite anxiety, fear, shame, and doubt to the surface. I typically shake and sometimes sweat with the magnitude of my emotional "earthquakes". I can even get terrible nightmares or night terrors that leave me feeling shattered into many pieces. Like a delicate glass fragments into many sharp twinkly shards. Broken yet beautiful, LOVE knits me back together and makes me feel safe. It's our hearts in each others hands- we can't let go of each other when things get hard. We all have a shaking one inside of us that feels on the edge of brokenness- we are all looking for love to mend those wounds. Everyone is looking for and is deserving of Gold and we wont find it alone. Together we can nurture the shaking one inside us and equip them with unconditional LOVE.
Like a plant breaking through concrete- we possess the ability to break through the surface of our pain in order to dive deep and let the wounded child of our past up to the light. It takes courage and resilience. It takes an iron will at times to persevere and power through into a new quality of life. This can not be done alone. We need community. We need those friends and family whom we can share anything with. When that is not enough, we need professional support to intervene along side us. Unfortunately not all people carry the same type of tenderness in the act of holding our hearts. We can be disappointed, feel rejected, and become retraumatised. BUT we also get nowhere if we do not take that risk. It is like mining- you have to keep looking until you find what your heart needs to find freedom.
We must also be willing to be there for others to lean on. Community can become a beautiful interchange of healing voices that we can internalise until we are strong enough to lean on our own voices of wisdom. Eventually we can delight in the exposing of vulnerabilities because we know beyond understanding that a breakthrough is close and within reach. We can sense and anticipate the victory! This discovery births a mighty ability to celebrate even when pain is present. Like a well bursting forth within us- in joy we find resiliency.
It is my wish that every single soul can find victory in the act of facing life together- as connected and valuable human beings. May we offer Gold dressed in the flavor of LOVE and deliberately invite the knitting together of wounds. Let us fearlessly pursue victory and be open to face our traumas so that together we can become strong. While laying down our judgments, together we can witness our pains and release its grip so that we can all be nurtured towards wholeness. Let us not be afraid of our approaching breakthrough. We must be brave enough to claim victory for ourselves and with others around us.
I dare you to be brave and become your best self in the company of LOVE.
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