Sunday, 17 June 2012

The Ocean Floor

Our love like a deep-sea quest... a chance to shed our outer worries and to dismantle our distractions-to focus on each other. Beginning with you in the deep. Swimming along-side you in tandem. Trusting the weighty life-giving tanks and shamelessly adorning the form-fitting attire for our journey ahead. One with the same breath, I dare dreamt you belonging right here forever and for always. No fear of my raw impressions- the diving suit snuck them passed my radar as it should be- committed to forge ahead into the unknown with you... for you. Not anticipating the need to retrace our steps to come back to the start... to land where I now call here.

The rippling inviting waves so fast churning into a rip-tide, shredding our sense of direction. We lost our True North. The life giving breath we so easily counted on really did run out before our quest was complete. The problems began when I found myself looking back to find you far away and unable to hold your breath. I did not know what to do- how does one breathe for two? Equally out of air, of choice, out of seeming hope... we found ourselves shadowed and desperate. Reaching for each other and finding open hollows. Not enough footing to keep facing forward against the currents, I had to let you go and risk... risk us not meeting upon the surface together as it should have been... together as it should be. The changing tide, the force of wind, the whispers of the past and sin creating a drive to escape. No room for mistake. Our love stretching bare and transparent before the smooth polished stones I once envied. The ones I looked up to.

I wanted to see the beauty, feel the treasures, to know you on the inside. Where the dark and light mingled magic together and where you still found the courage to keep walking. Sense the smell of life and mystery envelope our cares and purify them in our salty mists. I longed for the the sun to rise -one day upon my womb and to let our stars kiss your face- until there was no fear. To count the sand on our shore and know your love for me was still more... more than this shipwreck.

The dust is settling now as I rise, void of your chiseled form, within my peripheral vision. Silhouetted against what I thought was grace, I called your name. I do not know upon what shore you went or know whom you now became. I can not break the cycle of the wind- nore break my heart for you again. Instead I try and convince my soul to sing and wish the stars to bless your head as you seek the path from which we lead... and now I learn to walk again. Before the choral-reefs bid us come and the stones cried out their blessed joy. Beyond the moments I recalled your smile, caught you staring deep beneath my borders, I kept tended for you.

I find myself turning my gaze and finding myself- without you- upon the ocean floor.

This voyage inside me is not over. I quest against the sea which broke your heart and brought you to me. I dare to shatter the barbs of earthen vessels, whom care only about the outside world, and I boldly speak of a love I have not known. The one of my True North whom has come to welcome us home. Home, upon the land of mercy, where life has risen beyond pain and I dare to speak your name again. Knowing my love will not end here. Remembered deep- you are foreshadowed not- I dream you into beauty.